Did he love me? (is there any point in even asking the question?)
no one can really answer it outside of him who I loved.
(just for the sake of asking though, let’s get it out of our system.)
what really was that?
was I just totally, completely, idiotically mistaken?
Am I too late to ask it now?
was it all just my illusion or hallucination?
can I ever be forgiven for turning my back on a life I have committed myself to
just so I can test my illusion?
will I ever be forgiven?
Have I forgiven myself to start with?
It seems like an eternity ago, that I dare not say it out loud anymore ( or even think about)
When I start to think about it, a default security system goes off in my head saying,
“there is no use in thinking about it, as life chose to happen this way”
There is no reason to be ashamed though. There is no reason to hide it.
There has to be some level of acceptance and comprehension to be processed by me and me alone.
Even now, my dear friend, you lead me to face myself and be more true.